Today I mailed in our adoption application and paperwork. It's on it's way. I'm excited to start this new journey but I still long for a child that I can carry, that is part of me and my husband. Even though we still have two frozen embryo's to try I guess I just don't have that good of a feeling about it. I've tried to stay positive and was just starting to get into a good place with being infertile for the first time in two years but had a little break down the other day. A reminder that I have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant and unsuccessful in just about everything else in my life. I just started the job search and it's going slow as I expected but I feel like I need to leave this place because I will never be given a chance to do anything else where I am no matter how hard I try. I'm having issues loosing weight, it's coming off but way to slow to even matter and if I can't lose weight I will never get my body working in the right way. I can tell just from being off all types of fertility meds for the last month and a half that my body still isn't working right, I tried to start running again today but my knee was killing me so I didn't get very far. I know I have a lot to be thankful for in my life but it feels like the few things I really want I can't have or get.
I'm ready to start the adoption process but I'm not ready to be judged by people to see if other people think I will be fit to be a mother but I'm willing to do it because I know I will be. I'm ready for a family and now we just wait for confirmation that our adoption application was received and that we were approved to start the next steps in the process.
